Great first attempt
Alright here you go for the constructive thoughts
alright drums need to be louder and clearer. the bass shouldnt be stomping over them but accenting them.
when you start drop the drums in with a roll to say to the listener get ready for this i have something i want you to bow too.
next when the piano comes in make it an explosion and cut the drums and introduce them very clear and dynamically then roll drums back in to the patterns you already wrote.
and have the piano cascade to a side chain along with the drums so they can still be in for ground with strong drums.
I can hear this becoming a masterpiece. any questions or help pm me anytime. been writing music for 7 years now