Well

I couldn't really discern any real melody or anything in the instruments, and the beat seemed kinda all over the place, but it DID work on some level. So I would say work on tightening up the beat, getting rid of things that maybe don't belong in a hip hop beat, and get a bassline in there. Also try to make the tunes that are sort of in the background at the moment "pop" more, make them real concise and catchy. Hope this helps.