the up front synth is a little loud, and the bass synth isn't really a bass synth, move it down a few octaves. the background fx at 0:18 are sick, continue them out through that area! if you could some how make it longer, that would sound sick. the synths are also a little too generic for my taste, along with the clap. just mix up the fx a little more to personalize it to your taste.
the rubs that start around 0:40 are a bit discomforting at first. It might sound a bit more like they're supposed to be there if you added in more substance to that part, mebe a bass/ rythm going on in the background
this thing is a piece of work, but you definetly could go somewhere with it! Don't give up on it... it's just one of those pieces that requires some messing around with. keep it up!