Room for improvement.
This song was intense and conveyed the feeling that I think you were trying to convey. But there are several instruments that I feel are missing. Two of the most noticeable are that the drums need some high-hats or some other driving force. As well as some sort of modulation to maintain interest.
The other component that I felt was missing was some sort of outstanding pad during the main chorus of the song (first half), after the voices came in this was cured. Unfortunately though, the song felt empty during the first half, and I could see you losing a large amount of your audience right off the bat because they aren't patient enough to listen through the entire song.
I loved the melody work and the bassline though, that seems to be your strong suit in most of your songs. Keep up the good work, if you do decide to make some changes to this song please let me know, I'd like to hear it.