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Author Comments

Maybe the vocals could use a tune up, but whatevs

A stray expression lies asunder
For minutes it seems seperate from rhyme and comfort
For aeons more

He cut himself his own circle
Distraught over imperfection
Perceiving a shattered dream and backward hopes

The hour just began
It's a shame he has to go
Hold him close
But let it go
Hold him close
Let it go

Asunder
He lies(repeat)

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Foundation for an Excellent Song

This is a grim tune about psychiatric disorder and suicide, right? The lyrics don't need the touch-up. The music has enough class and groove to warrant a female vocalist (bear with me on this idea!) to get the pitch and octave up a notch. Next thing I would touch up is the emotion. It really has to sound like the vocalist is about to break down and cry over this senseless death.

Other than that, this has the workings of a prog-rock classic. It's terribly spooky, I'll give you that. It's also smooth and unsettling, a difficult combination accomplished only through jazz genres. In that sense, it is safe to say that you're giving yourself an excellent range that nobody can deny. Now all you have to do is get a willing lady vocalist and collab endlessly. If you don't like your vocals, either take voice classes or recruit someone who not only does, but others like also.

Voted Five (the song is above and beyond most submissions here, anyway).

Kor-Rune responds:

Thanks! You pretty much hit the nail on the head with the meaning. I wrote it about suicidal thoughts in today's youth, and also how they feel like they're so cut off from the world, and in something deeper.

I certainly would love a female vocalist actually. A lot of my tones and music seems that it would fit for a female-lead going on. I'll be on the lookout for one, maybe take a couple of my songs and give them to female vocalists around the internet, and see if they'd like to sing them. Thanks for the suggestion, I haven't really seen it before!

Credits & Info

Author

Listens
1,117
Faves:
1
Downloads
52
Score
Waiting for 4 more votes

Uploaded
Jan 3, 2010
2:57 AM EST
Genre
General Rock
File Info
Song
7.4 MB
5 min 22 sec

Licensing Terms

Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.