First off, i dont remember any other remixes of this track, so i guess your a first.
Your bass was WAAAAAAAY too reverberated, and the drums too for that matter and they blead over. You got the melody right, but i'm not sure about the first chord. You shouldnt have done that fade out at the end as well, you only normally fade out if your finishing on a loop, but you had a proper ending cadance there and you ruined it by fading. I think you should of kept the melody pattern at the start all the way through with the other melody accompanying it, it would of made it a bit thicker. Anyway, fix up the reverb and you've got yourself a winner.
tq for comment & critics
i will do better next time :)