For your first song this really isn't as bad as your current score, but you got some critical things wrong. The melody really didn't work along the vocoded voice, try something either minor or atonal. Also listen to more electro and pick out the structure, probably a building intro into the main section/loop with variations. This would improve your composition a lot.
But ignoring that, you got the synths working quite well so you must know the software you use - which is great for when you're trying to get ideas out - and that really benefited the song. Keep trying.