Strong potential but needs fine tuning
The melody's there, but it needs some better percussion. The drum samples definitely sound MIDI-based. Guitar's a little too screechy in some parts. Otherwise this is a good start. Don't stop here :)
P.S. It was written by Dreams Come True. The song is called Sweet Dreams (Sweet Sweet Sweet in Japan). Look for the original (English dub) floating around the 'net, and the Akon remix from Sonic '06 bangs too .