Most of the groundwork is there...
This is definitely very rough, as you've specified, but with the right polish, I think you can get a really solid demo out of this.
I wanna start out by saying that your enuncition has improved TENFOLD since I last heard your work. I only found one very noticable case of slurring, on "maph problems". Kudos on genuinely putting forth the effort to better this aspect of your delivery. It's really showing.
Acting wise, there's some deliveries I liked, some I didn't, so I've go over some of 'em.
0:00 - 0:07: I found this kinda flat and not convincing. If your aim is to portray a more "commanding" sort, it will often help to actually carry a really tense and serious facial expression as you speak the line. You can also play with the levels of your tone more to really engage the listener. Imagine you're raising your voice to cut someone off with that "There's no time for introductions!" then shifting over to a sterner, slower tone, as you get down to business on the rest of the line.
0:18 - 0:28: I really liked the tone here. It's a great contrast to the voice that came right before it. This is where you started spending too much time on one voice, however. Cut it after "my time here is short".
0:28 - 0:33: You essentially did this same voice before at the 0:13 mark. Cut one of them.
0:33 - 1:10: Not a bad voice at all. There's only a handful of female AVAs who can pull out a decent elderly range, let alone try. But wooow, look at the time. You did a full out monologue in the middle of a demo reel. Just keep the first 5 to 7 seconds and cut the rest. Spending longer than that on just -one- voice, is a mistake.
1:10 - 1:42: Another monologue-length reading, which is another no no. However, it did showcase one of your better voices, just oozing with devious personality. My favourite part was: "All you have to do is side with me. Together... we can win this war." - Methinks you should just keep that part, and cut the rest. Shifting you tone for that really soft "together." kinda gave me the chills, in a good way. I really liked that acting choice.
1:42 - 1:47: Very similar voice and dialogue to what you do at 1:54 - 2:02. One of them should be cut.
2:03 - 2:24: Too much time on one voice again. Some good words to end with, however. I also liked how you paced most of this reading, though emotion was a liiittle flat at times. Think the best way to read it would be with more of a "smile".
All in all, I think you should be able to shave at least a full minute off this rough version. Between 1 minute, and 1 minute 30sec tends to be an ideal length for a proper demo. Since you'll likely have some time to fill, I also advise experimenting with different accents and dialects a bit.
Along with the above notes, add in some background noise removal, fitting music and sound effects, and this should all turn out rather nicely. I really enjoy seeing people put legit effort into their work and striving to improve, so I hope you keep it up. If asked, I'd be more than willing to review any of your work again.
Thanks for the detailed feedback, no one else really bothered to lay it out for me. When get around to making a final cut I'll keep these words in mind.
Nakoruru, this piece, better than Italy.
Your vocabulary prowess is surpassed only by your unfailing grace and the uncommon, sometimes haunting glow of sensuality that surrounds you.
I KNOW it's what your aiming for, but the stereo-typical anime voice is so over saturated all I can do is roll my eyes when I hear it.
Lol, at the lust part which is playing as I write.
But about what you're actually saying it's very.. Thrown together, I can tell you're just kinda saying shit as it comes to mind.. Seeing as how I do this too sometimes.
ANYWAY, be a good voice actor WITHOUT sounding like every other "Anime" voice out there.