Works as an intro
Far too short though.
If you continue the song, I would highly recommend having each section take turns doing something musically 'exciting' while the other sections add to the background framework. This would be a nice touch.
The piece is begging to continue, but it's cut short.
This kinda reminds me of Assault on the Control Room Halo Cambat Evolved!!!
MY vote belong to THIS!!!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.