To be honest
The first reviewer isn't giving you any slack. I think its quite nice and has some very original elements to it.
But I also think you should work on clarity and another melody structure to it. But IT think your on the right track.
Hit me back.
Woa that was...weird..
Not like it's not bad but it needs more organized that goes along with it
As far as organization goes, I have absolutely no clue what you mean. The drums follow a simple pattern that is nice and organized, and so does the bass and melody. Please feel free to elaborate more.