It seems like its physically impossible to play the notes fast enough. Try synth? I loved it, but I love anything Meltdown2.
Not too bad
It sounds like there are too many background instruments giving it an all-over-the-place feel, and that almost makes it sound grungy in a way to me. Keep the two front instruments and replace the back ones or rearrange them; also I think hold the guitar on a lower note at several intervals to give it an actual "melting" feeling and it will do a lot better. This DOES have potential!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.