Well, first off, the way it started was nice, maybe adding a background string to all that would make it flow more smoothly. The synth that comes in at 0:50 is way too sudden and kills the mood.
I would say to fade it in or mess with the cutoff to make it sound more hardcore. I like the melody that you bring in afterwards, but it stresses out the first synth that came in.
I would recommend using some sort of fade in for a lot of these sounds because they stand out better when you do that. And maybe a bit more of some variations, rather than melodies, good though.
The 10 is for the bass and melody.