Rap in general is just crap. Get it, crap/rap. This is ... a better version as far as context. But the singing or whatever you call it is really weak. You guys need to speak/sing with an angry conviction, even for a parody. Practice talking like your an asshole and get the mind set that you are entitled to everything you rightfully don't have. With enough practice, you can come to America and fit right in with the bratty apartment dwelling welfare recipients (yes people get paid to do nothing over here!) . Keep the lyrics, the noise, but redo the singing. Go for a deeper tone.