Your drums seem completely random. Bouncing around between instruments like that is not that appealing to the ears.
The rhythm is okay, and the the melody is right, but the whole mix in general is pretty rough. You should work on your mixing and EQing to get a much smoother sound between instruments.
This was more of a percussion test than trying on the melody or anything considering it's not a song I wrote myself. The drums were meant to sound something like a carnival song percussion.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.