Maybe it's just me...

I know it's an ambient piece, but I thought that the first 2 minutes was so empty that it pretty much failed to create any ambiance at all. I was mainly struggling to hear what was going on...

But after that, past the first 2 minutes, I thought it became really interesting... almost Nine Inch Nailesque.

I think what you tried is interesting... just maybe not my taste... for the first 2 minutes anyway...