Not bad. Kinda sounds like it should be in an anime scene with a chilled enviroment or a bar with a bunch of people who have lived their lives pretty long. Good stuff, keep it up.
It is obviously still a work in progress. So I will try not to be too harsh. :-)
I'm not sure what I think about the guitar work. The picking style seems a bit forced, and slightly unrehearsed. Maybe this is how you wanted it to sound, but it feels like you were.....ummmm.....nervous, when recording this.
I like the chord structure, and the overall feel you are going for in this song. It really has a ton of potential, it just seems to need to be rehearsed a bit more to be more fluid.
Also, is there going to be any percussion? I see you put this in the jazz section. Might I recommend some trumpet or saxophone parts? That might create a really cool atmosphere.
I like where you are going with this. But it is pretty see-through at the moment. So I can't give it a great score. Definitely let me know when it gets finished. :-)
3/5 and 5/10 overall.