I just got done reviewing the other version you posted of this. I think it pretty much said what needs worked on really. But I will say, this is a better version.
Once again, vary the drums more, vary the melody, and more chord structure.
Now one thing I noticed in this that I didn't in the other version is an issue with the strings. When you have the strings playing the same note/chord over and over, don't make them hit everytime. I noticed them doing that around the 0:10 mark. If I'm wrong then I'm sorry, but it really sounds like they are re-hitting on every downbeat. And that is soooooooooooooooooo obnoxious and annoying.
Other than that though, same things I said in the other version apply here.
3/5 and 5/10 overall.
Good luck on your future projects bud!