There is a lot of potential here

When I was in college we dealt with a lot of post-modern disjointed writing and music. But even as disjointed as they were there had to be some kind of pattern in order to give an outsider something to hang on to. The best disordered art is often very precisely ordered. I think you have the beginnings of something very interesting. The guitar parts are good anchors I think maybe having those bits as anchor points before shifting off in other directions could help the listener. But I agree not a lot should be changed, just tightened if you get my meaning. The more I listen the more I like this.

just 1 thing

dont change a lot the pice it makes it pretty strange if you makes changes like that it sounds like 4 songs in 1 that dont get together i dont want to be mean or something like that but its the only thing you need