Nice for an intro...
...but too repetitive for a song. If I were you I'd put two chromatic eighth/sixteenth notes going down after the fourth note in the progression. Also, this sounds familiar. I don't want to sound like "Oh, this whole song is bad change it all" or anything, but I'd make the chords a little different. There are quite a few songs that use these chords, and being different automatically gets you a better score with me.
I'm interested to see what you make out of this! PM me when you're done if you want my opinion on it.
thank you for your advice, i will pm you when (and it might take a while) i make the next version.