I think you did a good job on this, and it would sound even cooler live, or like performed. my main problem is the bass; it is kinda, um, how can I put it: much. Like it's almost a little too loud, and too fast. when you overlook that, the drums (especially cymbals) are like (it could just be my imagination or the software you used) too repetitive, as they reveal themselves to be a little fake sounding. I mean, I know it probably couldn't be helped though. the guitar riffs are really good, they just need to sound a tad bit less like they're underwater. I mean, it's kinda hard to tell what notes they're hitting occasionally. I think it might benefit from two guitars, or a synth.
Either way, it's really not that bad. keep it up!
Thanks. I tried to go with a strong bass line, but I do think in some parts it is rather overpowering.