omg, did you hire james bond for the voicing? :P
not bad, a little slow, and simple song
id recommend a series of dynamics, and some chaotic countermelodies would help as well
try to devellope your song as it progresses, that'll make it more interesting
this would be suited as a background melodie for eighter another song, or a game (which is the purpose of the audio portal after all), but in general not very special as a stand alone song..
well that kinda covers it i guess.