up until about 11 seconds in, the bass melody is completely out, it's a shame because you you have the rhythm perfect as well!
have a look at this again, change the bass so it's in the correct key, and maybe add some basic drums.
Another thing I'd suggest is that the bassy buzz you have at the start should be the foundation of the bass for the track, so look into that?
7/10, cause I can see this going somewhere with a little more work, and 5/5 to keep the score up ;)
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.