I have a few suggestions for you. The bass was messed up and needed to be pure. That sound is supposed to come from the speakers naturaly not through the sound. Also make it below everything. The voice didnt help because it was nearly impossible to understand and i believe he was barely staying on beat. The Song was much too short for a beat. You need it to be atleast 3 minutes. ALSO the levels on everything are the same. Change the volume on the less important things down. The drums in the begining werent original at all and you could replace them with a high tom or something of that sort. You could even mix a tom with that.
I am not really into Hip Hop, but the beginning is good, the rest could be improved though. Also, you can´t put pictures in the author comments. Nice try though.