I'd like to see you take more time on this.

I think the idea is great, but... It sounds low quality amongs other things. Work on getting the quality right, add some chorus oooing and ahhing in the backround in a dark way, maybe make it a bit longer, and even possibly an organ... Maybe some deep bells. If you did that and resubmitted, the song would probably be a hit, and I'd enjoy it far better. ^_^
I hope that helps! =D