this had some really good elements and was definately immersive, but some flaws kept it from having staying power in my mind. ill just say things as i hear them, and then give you an overall analysis later.
INTRO - those starting snares are just kind of lame and annoying, i'd say sack them and go for a more pad-driven start, or find better samples TBH.
PERCUSSION - i didn't really like the bass drum-->snare every beat combo you had on, it didn't seem to quite jive well with the pads. i think a more breakbeat-ey sound, or possibly nothing at all, would go well. the cymbals every now and then also sometimes seemed out of place. When the drums went away except for a few soft snares, that was good, but make it more noticable - they got kind of lost and overwhelmed. but they did give an interesting even military-ish feel
PADS/SYNTHS - very nice! i really liked the atmosphere they set just by the nature of their sound. what i would do, though, is change their ASDR envelopes so that some fade in and out instead of just coming on abruptly... it sounds better that way. otherwise, they're pretty good.
OUTRO - it just... ended! all of a sudden, you killed the vibes, so i think you could have improved in that aspect... even a simple fade away would be appropriate here.
OVERALL COMPOSITION - the melodies themselves sounded good, but they are a bit randomly placed and come in and out without smooth transitions. try to make your song have more logical steps steps to follow like a story--some times it wasn't very smooth, IMO.
so, this was a pretty good song in my opinion by the nature of the synths that you chose and the melodies you made. they were very warm and fuzzy, and the subtle, silent SFX throughout really gave the track personality and interest. but, technical details, your choice of how the song progressed, and organizational defects makes it a bit weak in some aspects. overall, its a really nice song :) gj.
btw, thx for checkin out my song :D and ur name is legit awesome lol.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.