Maybe a bit too digital?
I understand if these are the instuments you have...it just sounds a bit too computery for me. Having said that, the actual notes themselves were great, and I liked the concept of what you're doing here.
Overall, maybe you shouldn't have relied so much on the tone in some spots, this sounds more like it could become an piece of electronic music. I wouldn't really say this was "metal", but it definitely has its place somewhere. Also, its a little bit fast- which works for the intro section...not sure about the rest.
Sorry, I dont mean to sound harsh with this review, I like the idea, and to a certain extent, the implementation. I just feel it could be improved a bit.
I would be interested to know what you were going for? Other than randomness :P
I have also done a metal version of this song, so feel free to review back, say what you think.