Generally a good beginning.
I think you used FL Studio since it sounded quite much like the eurogate preset from sytrus, wich I personally don't like very much, but here it fits.
You also used quite much compressor on the track or you haven't recorded it so loud.
The other sounds u used were also a good idea, but the beat could have been a bit stronger and after the intro wich can last for 1-2 minutes if you want to make a longer mix for djs and stuff there should be a build up and then the climax and then a breakdown.
The hihats were missing completely and you could also add some basses.
I hope that helps you a bit. If you want to get more advices feel free to contact me via private message or so.