Some very awesome ideas here! The tune is quite nice and the synths are perfect! However i did feel that the set up was quite weak. Try staying on a fixed plan like "Intro - build up - Chorus/climax - breakdown - second build up - chorus 2nd time - ending/fade out". If you can have a strong set up close to that you would end up with an AMAZING song!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.