Just off by a bit
The musical part on the whole sounds a bit dull, and the singing is not perfect either. It would have had to be perfect to compensate for the music.
The voice sounds a bit poignant, which probably could have been helped with some equalizing. Better equalizing could have saved the musical part, perhaps also. Or perhaps some technical licks could have spiced it up. (I am mainly talking about the music during the vocals.) Don't know... just my humble opinion/suspicions.
I think it a good composition on the whole, and the lyrics go well with the music. Just too bad the details aren't good. Could have been 10/10.