I like the composition and how it builds up. I think this peice is wildly underscored.
My only complaint is the quality of instruments, and how at parts it gets a bit repetative. More breaks, perhaps a thunderous drum banging in the background at semi-regular intervals as it builds.
Some reverb might help to make this ring a bit better.
I really like it, and i think you should work on it a bit more. Your onto something here that might be an obvious 5 if done right.