Like the title, this was definitely better. You put in a lot more variety and took out the beginning part (which, sorry to say, I kinda disliked.) A huge improvement. But, that quality kinda kills it... Good job though, still a 5/5 10/10. I don't think it's fair to judge you on quality, most likely it's not your fault. It did sound like you got better as well.
5/5 10/10 Good job