The lyrics are sooo good...but the singing ruins it. I couldn't even understand what the hell he was saying. I mean, it's okay not to understand people like Ozzy, or that dude who sang Blitzkrieg Bop, but I'd like to understand the words for this song. Because it's not a headbanger.
A more understandable version: Sing a little slower. It would be very nice to understand you.
PS I like the straight-edge undertones you put in there. ;)