For the guy "bballdude," lol, you're ignorant really. First off, Hip-Hop is music and it's a form of art as well, you can compare this to Poems but with an instrumental added. Hip-Hop is created by the lyrics and the message that a person chooses to send, so don't generalize the shit you hear on the radio because that's not what true hip hop is, do your research.
Anyways, Ok I do have some constructive criticism. I'm the other half of the group "Burly and DeX," my boy Burly already sent you a message about this but I'm gonna take a stab at it. I'm DeX so here we go, I'm sorry but this track was just plain god terrible. The mic quality also didn't help, but you shouldn't just eliminate the cursing in Hip Hop but the other stereotype which is rapping about money, cars, hoes and parties. This whole track had no message what so ever and it also doesn't help that you just rapped like 3 sentences over and over again.
Listen to some underground hip hop to gain some influence. The rhyme scheme along with the lyrics themselves was elementary at best. I know you just started and it's hard to incorporate multi-syllable words into your lyrics, but it doesn't hurt to try even if you just started. Now the biggest issue you have is that your lyrics do nothing but promote the stereotype that plagues Hip Hop by most people that don't listen to it, your verse (if I could even call it that considering how short is was) has no message and no topic as a matter of fact.
When you're writing your lyrics, you need to make sure that you have a message in there, it's like writing a poem, you use metaphors and simile's and create a message, whether it be direct or indirect is up to you. This is the part of hip hop that everyone underestimates, and it's just plain ignorant on their side. Now if you truly want to get better, don't rely on others, you can gain influence from other artists but try for yourself. Hopefully I've helped somewhat, iight stay up man.
you DON't have to say F*** every other word, but you need to enunciate and not use gay lyrics like we party hard in the yard...
its just the same stupid rap melody for2 minutes with you trying to record you voice (add variety). and dont end songs with this is "blank" out.
i think that was constructive enough, so don't complain that i was mean or something.
Hmmm...you seemed very open-minded about your review. Therefore, I respond. I do admit that I tend to slur my words most the time. As for the lyrics, my friend helped me write them. And as I stated above, it's not my background beat - it's Zajed's. If I can find a good singer/rapper to do collaborate with me, I wouldn't have to do it myself. But, none of my friends have very good voices that are suitable for rapping. I may do a remade version of the lyrics, but I don't know yet. The ideas mainly came to me and my friend when we were drinking a couple of sodas. *Sighs* Oh, well...it was worth a shot. By the way does anyone know of a good rapper besides J-Kellz here on Newgrounds that could do a few vocal shots for me? If so, please PM me. Peace out, Neon-Crepth...
- Jake Alexis Steele
Hip hop is not music, theres your criticism.