it sounds ok to me.
Good for a first attempt
The high-hats need work rythm-wise, the beat's solid and sounds pretty good, but the bass tune isn't all that solid. The bass itself is sounds good, but the tune never goes down to an A (in FL which it sounds like you're using, the A3 or A2 on piano roll) at any point, which in my opinion would make it sound complete. Good work though!
I don't think this would fit in hip hop...
I'd think that you'd have a better chance with dance or something with this...
And oddly, this sounds so similar to a piece I've been working on... Freaky O_o
Keep up the good work