Song's extremely harsh, but still has some merit.
Well... I liked the chorus (the part from 0:01 to 0:06 and repeats throughout the song some times). However, your attempted use of counterpoint isn't too effective, and well, it gives the impression of a housefly flying about. Some parts also don't exactly jell in with each other too (such as 0:31 and other parts of the song). I did however, like the section from 0:40 to 0:49, but unfortunately, that ended abruptly.
Generally, lessen the use of high-pitched sounds, and well, try to work with a single-line melody first. It still does sound somehow climatic and such, but well... much could be improved.