this was the first song off of the EP that i made, and it actually pre-dates the release of "VARIANCE". this song is very personal, so fair warning.

"I loved you once.

it’s funny to think it’s a past tense now.

to think you were my idol.

i know, idolatry is a sin.

but i think it’s important to note.

all my life, i thought it was all you.

everything i knew in the beginning.

all the building blocks that eventually made me.

it was all you.

the root of my well-meaning manners.

a beacon of useful advice.

that pillar of discipline.

the spark of my talent.

the match that set me aflame.

it was all you.

but was it really?

i got almost everything i wanted.

i was handed everything.

i had it easy.

i rarely had to lift a finger.

i had a great life on paper.

and that’s all that matters to you.

what’s on that paper.

my paper.

what about the things that can’t be formed into words?

or all the bullet points you erased?

everything you don’t think fits on that paper

actually makes it whole.

all the arguments you kept from me.

those threats you made.

those character flaws.

your unconventional vices.

your addictions and your excuses for them.

those are all you too.

and no matter how much running, smoking, praying, manifesting, or preaching you practice,

you can’t outrun your past.

it’s still you.

i loved you once.

i'd like to think i still do.

but you make it very hard to.

i know it's not you,

and- so i don't

i know you’re gone.

i can’t love you if you’re not here.

but i would rather never see your face again.

because in the end, it’s not you that i loved."