Track 6 from The New Goblin King comedy album

Matunga, and Fat Tourist were written and voiced by me. All other SFX and Music were sourced from Freesound.org

The Script:

“Welcome to Matunga’s survival guide, I am your guide Matunga

And today I will be explaining how to survive in the jungle.

But before I start I must tell you never to anger the forest spirits, otherwise they will fuck you up something serious.

Now when it comes to the jungle I recommend wearing long trousers this will keep the Ugandan ass monkeys from attacking your rear end, and let me tell you if they latch on to your ass, they will not let go, especially during mating season they can get quite aggressive.

Now before we enter the heart of the jungle, I must advise you all to dispose of any food. The Ugandan ass monkeys can smell food as well as fear so don’t be afraid.”

“Damn it, one of you didn’t listen to my instructions, who was it?”

“Well I was hungry”

“You stupid fat man, you have doomed us all”

“Quickly head back to the Jeep”

“Shit, they have taken over the Jeep. We shall take refuge inside that nearby cave”

“We must stay quiet everyone, otherwise they’ll hear us”

“You stupid woman, it’s not selfie time it’s survival time”

“Everyone out of the cave now, quickly head to the river they dislike water”

“Shit I was wrong, they can swim, damn it we are doomed”

“This is all your fault you stupid tourists, you have doomed us all”

“Do you hear that? It is a rescue copter”

“Over here, rescue me Matunga, screw the rest of these people!”

“So long you stupid westerners, have fun with the monkeys”

“Quickly get me out of here”