You don't want to post "one take improvs" on here unless they're really good.
And this isn't.
Your tone grates on the nerves, there's no tempo to speak of, lots of sour notes...
I hate to sound like a douche, but this is a very sloppy recording that doesn't even really belong in the Heavy Metal section.
Improve your recording technique, use a metronome, listen back after you get done recording...these things make all the difference.
I can hear the potential, you sound like you're starting to get the grasp of guitar, now all you have to do is improve.
Don't despair, keep on working.
I look forward to hearing your stuff in the future.