I like the ominous mood at the beginning. Many of the instruments are a little cheesy, though. The choir pad sounds very inauthentic, and the synth at :12 sounds a bit out-of-place, especially considering how short-lived its role in the song was. The guitar at :16 totally hijacks the mix, and once the other harmonies come in around it it’s totally distorting the drums, especially at :53. Anything you can do to make more room for the other harmonic instruments in the mix - filtering, EQ work, dialing back any mixing effects on the guitar, etc. - would be worth your while here.

Compositionally, the piece is a bit bland. You have a habit of abruptly switching out instruments to create variety, without doing much to switch up the harmonic framework or layer different harmonies on top of each other. As a result, the piece has both a very disjointed structure, with a lot of sudden transitions, and also feels very repetitive. I do like the tranquil outro at 2:20, but some more reverb or a pad (something to fill out the atmosphere) might’ve been nice there.

Overall, I know this isn’t a very positive review, but I do think you have a good sense of rhythm and harmony. You just need some more ambitious compositional ideas and a cleaner mix to support it. I hope you’ll keep working on this. The gritty sound design and foreboding mood certainly give this piece a lot of potential. Keep at it, Octusic! ^_^

Mixing, mastering, and balance
.75/2
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
.75/1.5
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
1/2
Instrumentation and sound design
.5/1
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
.75/1.5
Originality and uniqueness
.25/1
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
.5/1
Composite score
4.5/10