This quirky thing is supposed to sound like inarticulate confusion. The title comes from when I touched a dog an old man was carrying four years ago, not realizing it was a seeing-eye dog. My friends reacted like I was burning a house down-"Don't touch that dog! It's a seeing-eye dog! They are specially trained, strange people can't touch them!" I'm saying, "I didnt know that! Give me the benefit of the doubt, bud! Oooh, I petted a seeing-eye dog by mistake, take me to federal prison so I can toss the salad, why dont'cha! Maybe I should buy him a new dog that's also trained to bite unsuspecting petters! Better yet, why don't I replace the dog and become a seeing-eye human! If you pet me, I won't stop being effective like some stupid mutt! Hey give me a Milk-bone and I'll do a trick! You won't even need to put a leash around me, and I won't crap on your carpet. Yea, petting a seeing eye dog is the worst thing..."