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DuckTales - Lunar Venture

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Author Comments

I'm so very tired...

It's been almost five years since I last submitted anything here. When I first started making music, as bad as it was, I had so much more energy and motivation than I do now. And as turbulent as the latter half of my adolescence was, I've begun to consciously wish I were still living it. It's maddening to think that in another nine months, I'm going to be thirty, likely with little more to show for it.

My life has been an exercise in beating my head against a brick wall, often with little, if any, rewards for it. I actually wound up arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery in late spring of 2017 for causing my dad to fall to the ground in pulling him away from my computer. Ironically, I suppose that was a good thing for me, as I've been seeing an anger management counselor since then, even after having jumped through all the necessary hoops to convince the judge and criminal prosecution to drop and expunge the charge from my record.

I actually properly finished this song in the wee hours of the morning on this last Christmas day, but have spent the past month or so mastering it better and better as time goes on. One of the things my anger management counselor asked of me was to avail to him the ability to share this piece with other clients. I had the idea to upload it to YouTube as an hour-long video, after making an hour-long mp3 using FL Studio, but I feel that would be far too much effort for right now. As it is, this submission is primarily so that he can listen to it, and so that he can have others listen to it.

Joe, you know me well enough to know just how tired I am. I'm so depressed that I'm actually tearing up as I type this. I've been having suicidal thoughts for quite a while; I'm sure I've told you at least once about how they've been coming and going for years. I don't plan on ever acting on them; doing so would defeat the ultimate purpose behind my stubborn behavior. What I do plan on is to keep beating my head against that brick wall, and the next one after that, and the next, and the next, until there are no more brick walls to beat. I also plan on finally resuming my education, hopefully registering for classes within the next couple of days or so; spring semester starts on the 22nd, and I have no intention whatsoever of missing another semester because I fucking procrastinated again. I'm sick of being the reason behind my own stagnation. I'm sick of having suicidal thoughts from just sitting here like a fucking idiot. Right now, you can probably imagine I'm getting angry with myself so as to spur myself into actually doing something.

To Joe, and to anyone else listening, I hope you enjoy this loop. I hope to put out much more like it in the years to come. Just because my demons can't sleep doesn't mean I should make myself unable to cope. I only wish I could get this song to loop properly, but who knows? I might just find a way to fix that somehow.

Look to the stars, my darling baby boys.

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Credits & Info

Waiting for 4 more votes

Feb 9, 2022
12:09 PM EST
Video Game
File Info
6.4 MB
2 min 49 sec

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