Your BD...

bass drum need work....
the "puh" sound needs to come out a bit more muffled, that'll get the low thud you need.

Stop with such remedial patterns. Makes you sound like a retard. I suggest listening to some early hip hop to get a feel of what you'll be able to do for now. Don't stop so much, you gotta let the pattern continue or it'll sound choppy. And the bass drum sound your making doesn't sound too great, like your blowing a small amount of air and making a small fart like noise (best way I can explain).

A good start. Work on it a bit more and you'll get there....