I lost my grandmother. I neglected to continue sending her mail in the last months, and she was healthy and she passed away in her sleep very suddenly night before last. It's all very very fresh- I had been neglecting many times to send her a music CD because, well, I was self-conscious of some of the electronic music maybe she wouldn't like it, and the saxophone was always out of tune but I had begun fixing that and working on it. I feel like I was going to get her music to listen to and it's hard... I feel like I could have done so much more to help her feel less lonely. She said at age 99 all of her friends were basically mostly gone, and she didn't really have many people to write to. She still wanted to go to Canada to visit with her big family reunion at age 99, and I don't know what happened because she just got off the phone with her daughter the day before and was making those plans. I think she was very lonely with a lot of lockdown measures the past year and a half and , well.. things happen. I wrote a handwritten letter to her that I should have written before, and here's another one. Thanks for allowing me to vent and express my emotions vulnerably!

Dear Grandma Barbara,

I will miss you so much, thank you for writing me when nobody was there. I still have all your handwritten letters. Love you always... I wish I had been a little more present and gave you a call here and there rather than just writing, and not neglected to write you the past months. I will miss you. Say hey to Grandpa Dick. I will keep up with the music.

All the trips you took in the RV with Grandpa Dick all over the country, visiting beautiful places and birdwatching. And still at age 99 you were very active, I know this is how you would have wanted to go peacefully and I will visit your ashes in Tallahassee alongside Grandpa Dick's and Uncle Dick. Love you so much and will miss you once again. I hope this music finds you somehow.

Your grandson, Ben