It sounded a little slow. And the instruments that are in the background make it sound a little false. You know you can make it better. It's a nice try though.
Points for trying!
I can see the effort that went into this, but i have to say, it really isn't that great. The harmony that starts around 1:10 just sounds bad, and the melody instrument is just too strummyful. However, the random tech noises are pretty nice!
I heard this song on YouTube. ;)
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.