Your motiff is very good at converying emotion. You also expanded upon it, making it less repetitive (as people commonly find one motiff and run with it). Your entrances were good, and even when the motiff returned you used your other voices to really contribute instead of simply repeating the same rythms in the same key over and over again.
The bass part is good and the percussion was nice. A little more development in both of those departments and I would certainly consider a 10 here.