This one feels a bit like a good song and a bad one taped together, I really like the slow parts with the nice rythm and the transition into them with that tempo change is great is great (like at 1:20), but I feel like the faster parts break the mood of the song a bit.
The main problem for me is the percussion, the way it repeats the same sound so quickly really makes it stand out that it's a drum machine and not a real instrument, plus I don't like the melody on top too much.
Overall the idea of changing between the parts is nice though, and I think it might be interesting to change up the background synth in those parts to make them more distinct. I will also say the instruments you chose all work pretty well together.
Btw, I noticed you used Audacity for this, I assume it was for the fade in and out, but you can actually do that more easily if you add a modulator channel in beepbox, plus it lets you do a lot of other cool stuff.