I like your shadowing. The style and technicality is alright. It could definitely be polished up more. The faces of the characters come off a little flat and are missing something that would garner more realism.
You made a spelling error. You used "severe," which is a real word, meaning stern or serious, but you meant to write "sever," as in cutting or separating with force. Also, at the end there, the use of the word "seduce" doesn't seem quite right. When you are trying to seduce someone you are trying to woo or, as the saying goes, sweep them off their feet, especially in a sexual manner. However, it doesn't sound like that creature is trying to seduce that woman. It sounds like he wants to rape her or something. "Seduce" does NOT imply harm, and in this case it looks like she is in a dangerous situation where she is being threatened with physical harm. You need a stonger word.
In this part especially, I had trouble looking for the words to fit the situation. I could've used stronger words, but this part follows up from the video that was based on this. I'll change it up some none the less. Thanks
As for the faces, this is how it'll look like for now until I get better with the color pencil or establish new ways to round off more of that realism. I don't have a photoshop so cleaning it up can be a little hard for me unless you have any advice on it.
I appreciate all the comments, I'll improve with every comment I receive.
i like your style of art but i dont like the way you laied out the panels. i dont know a whole lot about making comics although i read a lot of manga (im currently reading Berserk and this piece reminded me about it) but i do know that the way you lay out the panels is very important and for some reason i think it could have been done better here.
for instance, i think it would have been better to split up the bottom panel into 2 or 3 panels showing that scene of the protagonist walking in and the freak show with the girl notining him come in. it would have been more dramatic that way and build up anticipation for what is to come on the next page but instead its just all done in one panel and that takes away from the intensity of the scene.
maybe im talking rubbish, like i said i dont know much about drawing comics but this is just my take on what i would have done.
No, its very true. Adding more panels does build up the intensity of a dramatic scene,but adding too many panels can also confuse the viewer so changing the layout (and also the scenes) at this point would prove to be a lot of work since its already made. However, splitting the last bottom panel and not reveal the protagonist until the next page would definitely be a good idea.
...when you read the whole thing and not just browse the picture like almost everyone else did.
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