*Completed in: a few days

*Drawn using: Krita

*Edited using: Pixlr

This piece was made in an attempt to feel hopeful for the future. My creative energy has been very weak lately in part of depression and stress, so it took much more effort to get this one done. I hope, with time, I'll recover from this nasty blow. I'm hurting too much to write something mystical or with some kind of meaningful narration. I just... I can't do it right now. I'm sorry if that's what you were expecting. But, I will try to share some things from my heart instead. That's more genuine, after all.

My life is very dim right now. I've lost contact with several friends this year, mostly because they've given up on my friendship with them and have lashed out at me. I found out that most of my current family's been toxic towards me for a while, which I was unaware of for years. I can't maintain a healthy relationship with them. I have a little chihuahua who I love like family, but, he's around 15-16 years old at the moment and is clearly slowing down. I've been grieving over that little furry friend of mine, because my time with him is quickly running out. I'm afraid I'll lose him soon.

Earlier this year, I was involved in a mall shooting. Some were shot, but thankfully I wasn't harmed, and there wasn't a single person killed. I haven't been diagnosed by a professional, but I'm of the belief that it gave me some sort of PTSD. Even before all that happened, I dealt with panic attacks. Now, I also deal with "trauma attacks", which most of the time cause me to temporarily lose mobility. Causes my speech to become choppy as well. I feel mechanical and cold during those. It's... terrifying, to say the least. Recently, I dropped out of my original reassuring beliefs. I realized they were untrue and manipulative, despite what I had been brought up to believe for so long.

Anyways...sorry for telling my life story sgdhsgdh. There are people out there suffering so much more than me. I'm definitely not the only one in this boat. But, my hope is that this will provide some sort of hope for anyone out there who's struggling right now, whether it's more or less than what I've mentioned here. I feel alone, hurt, scared... but I'm gonna keep going. I have several intact friends, at least.

As I've went on about many times, I have a very wonderful particular friend near and dear to my heart. He's given me so much hope... He knows all of this and more about me already, but I know he'll read this eventually. Things have been hard for the two of us lately, mostly because of my situation right now. Sometimes, I really do worry for him. His situation is much brighter at the moment compared to mine, but, I worry that my situation has drained him of his personal value some days. He worries that he's not satisfying my emotional needs, but really... he's doing just fine. He's slipped up here and there and hurt me unintentionally, but he's not a bad person for it at all. We all make mistakes. I'm not going to go skipping between people to see who can provide me with the most affection. What I hope he realizes is that his mere heartfelt intentions warm my heart and comfort me immensely. I don't need him to blast me with affection like I do with him. I just need him, and for him to remember his own worth in all of this as we both help each-other to improve in our relationship. I'm going to try remembering my own worth, too. I just want each of us to care for each-other and acknowledge how much we individually mean to the other. Within this bond, we're both incredibly significant. Maybe I will find someone someday who similarly means the world to me, but I love him. My love for him is irreplaceable. Nothing/no one will ever change that.

Looks like I rambled. My heart has a lot to say, huh? :P I don't know how meaningful any of this is, but maybe this will touch someone out there. Whoever reads this; you're not alone. We're all just people like you, dealing with all sorts of pain and joy in our lives. Maybe seems like we have it all under control, but most of the time, we have a lot under our belt as well.

Interpret this as you will, but for me, this piece represents my hope for the future and present. In the upper-right, there is a strong sense of hope and light, symbolizing the future I've planned for a while now, which should overall give me a better life. In the bottom-left, there is a dull sense of despair and darkness. Yet, there is a beam of light, shining through despite everything. Within both sections, a clock symbolizes the constant passing of time.

So, no matter how desolate you may feel now, remember that every second is a step towards a better future if you put your heart to it. If you reach that future, (or are currently in it), never forget how quickly time is melting away. Cherish everything this life has to offer before it's too late. Even in the dark, there are things and people to hold dear.

Whether or not you read all this, thank you for keeping on in this life, sincerely. I'm so proud of you. :)