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One For The Birds

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Jun 1, 2017 | 7:42 PM EDT
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birds
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lice-ridden

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In today’s exciting episode of ‘J’s Magical Creatures That Will Probably Kill You’, we study several members of the most potentially deadly species of the avian variety to human kind, the industrious hummingbird.

The shape of the Needlenose’s beak resembles the fine sharpness of a syringe, only three quarters sharper, and can be lethal, if not quite painful upon contact.

Despite the Hunchback’s herbivorous diet, consisting primarily of various flower nectar, this surprisingly large, ill tempered trochilidae will attack anything moving nearby, even kill without documented reason other than what can only be described as amalgamated fury and discontent. Why is the Hunchback so disgruntled? This phenomena still confounds many Ornithologists today, especially Steve. Night after sleepless night; waiting at the window of his spacious study; searching aimlessly through avian documentation with no answer; crying out through the recesses of bird science history in bewilderment, “why?” Favourite past times include leering, looming and glaring unsettlingly.

The Razor Wing earned its title by the sheer shanks of its two tail feathers, which it whirls in flight as a fluttering feather-ball surrounded by rotating cutlasses. This bizarre action has allowed the creature to not only protect itself continuously, but sharpen the ends of its densely course blades angled precisely against whatever may be unfortunate enough to bump into one in mid flight. The act however can be incredibly dangerous to the Razor Wing itself; it is a highly delicate balancing act to not be hit by it’s own defenders. How it accomplishes this is not entirely known, but it is suspected that a good deal of continuous practice goes into it. Primarily nocturnal.

That’s all for now, and remember, if you happen to be wandering about at night, and see a rather fluffy looking fowl hurtling in flight at incredible speeds towards you, its feathers undulating about, eclipsing its features, keep your wits about you. It just might possibly absolutely kill you.